Leon jokers

1.Guys,if you have any girlfriend you are not
using again
Please borrow me coz the one I subscribed
for has expired
2.If you are married or engaged please
unfriend me because you are confusing my
ancestors identifying my future wife
3.My brother if her phone rings and she
stares at you before picking....
Just know that your assistant is calling
4.Some guys will be calling their girlfriends
"MY QUEEN"
But when the Queen asks for 20k,the
kingdom scatters and the King himself
dissapears
5.If every mother is the best mum in the
world
So,whose mother is flying and going around
bewitching people at night
Biko!!!!This question is not to be answered
coz I know some of you have tied ur
wrappers of insults
6.It's only in Nigerian movie that when a
ghost appears or dissapears it sounds like
someone is sighing
"Mtchhhhhheeeeeewwww"
7.After promising us that she won't take
time with her testimony, she began with
"It all started in April 1991....."
Don't hold me ohh,Leave me!!! I must off the
mic
8.If you are a boy and you got a twin
brother
My nigga you are Gay
How can you spend 9 months naked with
another nigga???
9.That moment when you smoke weed
Dan:What's your time
Ade:hundred minute pass 84
Dan:Am or Pm
Ade:No oohh Mp3
10.Interviewer:Where were you born???
Akpors:Warri
Interviewer:Which part?
Akpors:What do you mean by which part,
The whole body was born in warri
11.A little boy fell from a mango
tree,immediately he got up and told his
friends
"Thank God say I no die,if to say i die,my
papa for kill me!!!"
QUESTION OF THE DAY
What if a witch put winch inside another
witch food and the witch eat the food that
the witch put winch inside
Will the witch become witches??

1) No matter how funny you are, you cannot
make a goat laugh!*
*Dat animal get mind!* are we
communicating
2) No situation is permanent but there's no
hope for a
fallen breasts.!
So shall it remain!
3) A Girl Searched On Google... "Am Pregnant
How Can I Tell My Parents?"*
*Google Replied... "If You Can Open Your
Legs Why Can't You Open Your Mouth"*
4) For those people who go for HIV test
monthly*
*Don't give up my dear,*
*One day you will see Wat u ar looking for*
5) People who soak garri for 3 days I
wonder what their mission in life is
6)What is the reason why we dont use
agege type of bread in communion service....
Jus thinking
7) The way some girls will add 6 wraps of
maggi and one onga classic inside African
salad and still listen to the devil inside her
saying *my daughter its not enough*
Lemme not call names before they say I hate
Enugu girls
8) No one is as humble as a"customer comin
2 buy on credit,he wil b like"give me the
fresh pepper for hand, save ur nylon"
9) Son:Mum at what age can I go out and
return anytime I like
MUM: Even your dad, never reach that Age.
10) The American police style:*
Investigate he’s a thief till
you find an evidence to
catch him.
*The China police style:*
Chase the thief til'l he gets
tired, then you catch him.
*The Arab police style:*
Kidnap the thief’s wife and
threaten the thief to
surrender.
*The Indian police style:*
Allow a pretty damsel sing
for him to lure him closer,
then you catch him.
*The Nigerian police style:*
Catch any person on the
street, beat him until he
agrees he is a Thief
_what a country_
11) She told me she was coming to my place
by 9pm,But she came by 7 pm & caught me
with another woman...How can I forgive her
for lying to me??*
She's not trustworthy
12) Do you know that veterinary doctors are
the only doctors that eat their patients*...?
13) I saw someone who laminated his ATM
card 2day, if I mention where the person
comes from now, people will think I hate
ondo people ..
14) Girls that do Ghana weaving, with
Brazilian wool on a Nigerian hair, how do
you survive with three countries on one
head?
If I made u laff
Give me a kiss only.

Democracy jokes
1-Every girl has that one black bra that is
always on duty, No leave, No transfer,
Don't argue with me coz am not your age-
mate
2-And My Mind Is Telling Me That Some Girls
Are Planning To Block Me At a junction
Today Bcoz Of My Posts
3-I asked Kwaala to tell me
More about her seff
And she said..........
Am shy in complexion
4-Some people wee b busy taking down
notes in church during sermon as if they will
read it later.
EYE SERVICE
5-Fine boy + Fine girl = Cute love
Fine boy + ugly girl = Sex love
Ugly boy + fine girl = Money love
Ugly boy + Ugly girl = True love
6-The kind of money I want to have ehn!!!!
even if I come late for my traditional
marriage, my in-laws will apologize.... they
will be like..."Our son, we are sorry you came
late...its our fault...we woke up too early"......
6-Funeral jollof is more tasty than wedding
jollof because the ladies who cook wedding
jollof are mostly jealous.
7-Even if you dress Simple in Nigeria,
SARS would still question you like "Where
did you get those legs you're walking with?
8-When a single Lady makes it dem go say
na ASHAWO.
When a guy is handsome and Social dem go
say na PLAYER.
EKWENSU
9-Naija mosquitoes sha, you will light
mosquito coil, they will use it to do shisha...
.
10-They use my name anyhow these days
,even prostitude will be like ,to be frank with
you am still a virgin
11-See eh, Sleeping next to your new bae
for the very first time can be really
tough.
You have to breath in English, not too loud
and not too low.
12-This beautiful girl in my street will not
come out today that I'm wearing fine
clothes, its when I want to go and buy
bread she will appear like evil spirit.
13-Spiritual Something is when you are
broke and people keep buying you Alcohol
and Weed.
14-Some girls will snatch a guy
from their friend..
(because of what he is buying for her)
Only to find out she's the one buying
everything for herself
15-Ladies, marry a short man .
If he is cheating, just put his phone ontop
of the fridge till he behaves well.
16-God doesn't answer some prayers
because you canot Handle it How can you
pray for aeroplane
where will you park it?
17-It's always d cute guy dat Walks up 2 u, 2
tell u, my friend likes u den He points to one
dragon or segun arinze smiling at u
18-Raise your hand if you
have ever washed your
school uniform in the
morning and dried it with
towel and iron and went to skuu
Lemme see my pipo
19-Sorry if I ever snatched your gf
Someone also snatched mine
This is 2018 Snatch anybody
snatchable
20-Nothing says your ugly like Facebook
asking
" Are you sure you want to make this your
profile picture ?"
21-If your Guy answers his phone in front of
you and starts clicking the volume button
down.
That's her oo my Sister..Thats her.
22-How can Nigeria's Agricultural Sector
grow when anytime it rains, our youths
scream
#weather_4_two
Instead of going out to plant cassava, they
are using cassava
23-Myneighbour's son has Been knocking
on my door since morning,but I don't want
2 open
their Maths homework is too difficult

some girls will just give u their number to
increase the rate of their missed calls, why
are some girls wicked!!!!
2..The day I will finally buy my G-WAGON..
I will make sure I drive to my EX house and
ask her for directions to my own house
3. lecturer: what the advantage of being a
Nigerian.
chizzy: u can be broke and soaking garri
and people will still be calling you chair man
I hail oooo
..4. slay queens in class be lyk,sir sir please
increase d brightness of ur voice I can't see
it clearly
5. my brother, dating one loyal girl will make
you a bigger boy than gathering 11 cheap
sluts. One Cristiano Ronaldo is better than
the entire Arsenal team.
6 Women who can't cook can be so
dramatic
U will find her wearing an apron just to boil
water
7 Some guys are selfish. When You promise
your girlfriend the whole world, where do
you think the rest of us will live?".
8 A day to your wedding, Dangote asks you
to stop d planned wedding and marry his
daughter or son with a sum of 500 billion;
wat will you do? As for me,is not dat i like
money; Is just dat I love respecting elders.
9 Teacher...name the 5 most corrupted
countries in Africa
Student 1....Ghana , cameroon, Libya, congo
,Mali
Student 2 ...what about Nigeria ?
Student 1 ....when counting sinners do they
count satan?
10. I have been walking inside spar with an
empty basket since morning waiting for a
Nigerian Artiste who will storm into the
shopping mall and do exactly waht Drake
did in his video.. *God's plan"..
Someone can't cum nd die of hunger biko...
Nigerian artiste una still dey here?
12 Bae if u walk pass a group of guys
arguing abt football nd dey continue deir
argument, my sister "u're ugly"
13. When a girl asks you for 5k and you still
gave her 10k instead... she will be like
"thanks baby but don't forget the 5k I asked
you
14. I fainted 6 tyms when she said the k
opposite of minimum is minidad
slay queen tke it easy na
15. A guy bought a car last week, drove to
work this morning, forgot he now owns a
car & entered kekeback home.
POVERTY IS REAL.
16. If you break up with me and latter finds
out you're pregnant, my sister, you and your
unborn child are all my ex
17. because your boyfriend is smiling
while pressing his phone doesn't mean
he's cheating...
Relax Babe.
He's just reading my post!

A guy takes you out and buys you heaven
and earth. You sit out for diner in the
evening and, again, you order heaven, earth
and Mars. He pays with a smiling face. You
follow him home and you both begin to kiss.
You both lose control. He kisses your neck,
he sucks your left boob, and, like every other
woman would naturally do, you offer him
the right nipple. Willingly.. The law of "buy
one, get one free"
.
You spread your legs fast. Faster than bad
news. With your shivering hands grabbing
his skull, you guide his head down-south to
the damp entrance between your laps. He
gives you head. He brushes your life with his
tongue. You speak in different languages
like the apostles in the upper room on the
Pentecost day. Of course there's fire on your
own head too.
You order him "don't stop! Oh kill me! Brush
it like rug! Eat it okpa, chew it like chewing
gum baby"
.
You cum. You cum again.. You become an
"overcummer." He kisses you tenderly again.
He reaches out for his phallus. It adds in
weight, length and strength. It stands firmly
like a newly recruited Mobile-Police man
who just can't wait to swing into action. He
tries to send the troubled dick to it's
momentary dwelling place, you revolt. You
frown your long face.
You begin to preach.
"Boo, are we not being too fast?"
You begin to remind him that fornication is
a sin.
.
************
See, if you are in the category of girls that do
this, I have a message from heaven for you.
Listen ehn.. YOU ARE A WITCH!!!!

1. Show me a girl with one boyfriend and I
will show
you a long sleeve bra.
2. Seriously, if you are short, please marry a
tall
person, I'm tired of changing bulb for my
neighbor and
her husband.
3. If you don't have money, you will be the
one who opens fanta with your teeth
for everyone during family meetings.
4. "I will take a bullet for you", says a guy
that cannot
take ordinary paracetamol without putting it
inside
Eba. Mtcheww
5. Jesus fed 2700 women and he never
want anything from them, but you, yes
you! You bought a girl ordinary phone and
you want
to enter her, are you not mad?
6. Is making another girl laugh cheating?
Please I need
your answers oo, I'm about being single
again, my
bae said I'm committing Funnycation. 7. I
hate it when Facebook couples disappear
after a
breakup and says nothing to us the
Facebook in-laws,
after all our support.
8. Bride price should be based on Breast
size, after all,
watermelon is expensive than orange. 9.
Girls are so
wicked and selfish, how can you deny me of
a hole you didn't drill?
10. My sister.. If you go with your girlfriend
to your
man's house and the dog doesn't bark at
her..
Wisdom! My sister I say wisdom!
11. The kind money I want to have ehh Even
if I come
late to my traditional marriage, my in-laws
will apologise, they be like "Our
son, we are sorry you came late, it's our
fault, we
woke up too early".
12. The way fine girls are behaving nice to
me this
days ehh, I feel like having one, but this
virginity till
marriage is a MUST for me. Argue with your
father's children.
13. Dating an insecure and jealous guy is
not easy oo..
BF: babe, where are you
GF: I'm at home.
BF: doinq what? GF: I'm frying plantain.
BF: Ok, fry one lemme hear the sound. 14.
Girls that wear heels to an event and come
back
with slippers don't last long in a
relationship, they
can't endure for long.
15. Guys, if a lady visits you and you gist, eat,
watch a
movie and she returns home in peace
without sex,
will you die? Some girls will be like "Chris tell
them oo", but you girls, when did your
boyfriend's house
become a cinema, give him what
he want jhoor!
16. I was beaten by a woman in an elevator
today. I
was staring at her breast then she said
"Would you
please press one", I thought she was talking
about her breast.
17. My first time of toasting a girl.
Me: shiii! Fine girl, shiii!, I grab her hand
from the back.
Girl: who are you? Me: Don't you know who
I be? I'm
from dis state
mehn, this right here is messed up, back in
the states, we don't take shit from nobody,
you got dat? Then I
turned around, I couldn't see her again.
18. I hate it when going to put offering in
church and
one fat girl keeps dancing forward and
backwards
like MTN network. Mtcheww
19. The road to heaven is narrow. I pity
those that are fat. Lemme mind my business
sef
20. Seriously, after smokers, the next
people who are liable to die young are those
who
don't mind their business. 21. You are
calling a school
reunion because you have
a car, you want to see me jumping out of
Keke abi? Thunder fire you there, Idiot!
22. "Cum inside me" and "Don't worry, I'm
safe". These
phrases has made guys pay bride price they
didn't
plan for. 23. Glo weldone o! I have to sit at
the edge of
my bed,
turn a little to the left and open my mouth
before network enter my phone.
24. Girls with big brezz are going to heaven.
Its not
even a debate, so don't argue.
25. This one that I'm seeing wedding
ceremony
everywhere, nobody should mistakenly
marry my
future wife oo. 26. Girls will shave their
eyebrows and leave their
armpit hairy.. Please is that shifting
cultivation or bush
fallowing?
27. Guys, sometimes God leave you to be
broke so you
can focus on one lady,
because once you get small money, you
won't allow anything wearing skirt to rest,
small thing "LETS CHILL,
LETS CHILL". YOU BE FRIDGE?
28. I'm nt that kind of guy who rush into
dating
another girl immediately after breakup, I
wait for at
least 10 minutes before I start a next
relationship.
29. No body keeps in touch than a girl you
promise to send her money, she can
even appear in your dream.
30. Don't call a guy "Baby", unless you are
going to
give him brezz to suck. Guys, are u with
me?? 31.
Teacher: Class, write a story which you
ASSUME
THAT YOU WERE IN A WAR, write not less
than 300 words. Everybody started to
write, I didn't write but folded my arms. The
teacher
approached me..
Teacher: Chris, why are you not writing? Me:
Aunty,
They killed me immediately the war
started! 32. Ask for my account number or
my shoe size or my
clothe size, not "How are you".. Everytime,
I'm not
fine, I need money.
33. No one is as humble as someone coming
to buy on
credit. She will be like
"Answer your customers first, I'm not in a
hurry" 34. It took me 5 hours to compose
this jokes, and you
say you will read without commenting
Thunder!!!!!!!

*Africa girls.........When the pant is new, she
will be like "boo remove it yourself " but
when it is old and faded, she will be like
"boo wait, I have a surprise for you, close
your eyes "*
Two blind men were fighting and refuse to
be separated so I shouted "Am supporting
the one with a knife" both of them ran
away. Wisdom will kill me one day.
: *Nowadays Slay Queens cook white rice
and add Snapchat filter to it to make it jollof
*
A Naija girl will go out with 1,500# then
come back with, Shawama, grilled fish,
perfume, meat pie and 50k is God not a
wonderful God? ...Awon small girls
with big God...
: Only a Nigerian mother would wake you up
at 2am in the morning to beat you up for an
offence you committed at 2pm the previous
day.... That's what we call
#CarryOverBeating!!!
: *Cheapest pregnancy test. Insert a biscuit
into your private part,if it gets eaten,know
that there's a baby inside..*
*Ladies before you do abortion give your
babies a name we can't keep having
nameless ancestors
*
A South African tweeted
"MY PRESIDENT IS THE WORST PRESIDENT
EVER! WHY SHOULD THERE BE ELECTRICITY FOR
23 HOURS OUT OF 24 HOURS? HOW CAN
CITIZENS BE IN DARKNESS FOR ONE WHOLE
HOUR? I'M SO UPSET RIGHT NOW!"
And then a Nigerian man quoted and
retweeted. "Come to my country, you won't
even have battery to type this nonsense"
After buying my iPhone 8+, I now
understand why iPhone users behave as if
they don’t have pockets. How can I put a
whole plot of land in my pocket?? “
Real blessing is when the daughter of the
woman selling food in ur area is in love with
u!!
OMG!! see free gift!!
*Ghanaian Girls Are The Most Beautiful Girls
In Africa.. But My Problem With Them, Is They
Always dont Have Transport Money.*
: Being a Guy is not easy oooooo Charley
...No make up, no Wig, if you're Ugly
you're Ugly
: Guys stop turning your neck when you see
a lady passing. Because you are not a
standing fan
Because a girl replied u with “thanks love ”
You now rush to inbox her. Now she
snubbed u. U see as u disgrace urself, nt
only urself ooo, u also disgrace ur entire
generations.

Leon jokers

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